


Suddenly

by Polkat (aralias)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: April Showers 2015, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-24
Updated: 2003-07-24
Packaged: 2018-03-20 23:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3668982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aralias/pseuds/Polkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post GoF Sirius tracks down the remaining members of the Order, finally reaching the house of Remus Lupin. A story of the broken dreams of two people who life refuses to treat kindly and the new dreams that spring up while you're not looking. SLASH</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Padfoot returns

**Author's Note:**

> Uploading old fic for April Showers 2015. All spelling/grammar errors left as originally posted.

_And then suddenly appeared before me_  
The only one my arms will ever hold  
I heard somebody whisper please adore me  
~ Blue Moon, Lorenz Hart

The words on the page in front of him had long since ceased to be words; instead long mottled serpents pulsed across the book's surface. He blinked tiredly and the snakes slid grudgingly back into separate letters. The clock on the table next to him chimed delicately and Remus Lupin squinted at its face.

It was late he realised with surprise, or rather it was very early. The clock pinged again, announcing the arrival of two o'clock. He glanced back down at the book; it still lay open on page twelve, where he had opened it three hours ago. He allowed himself a short haggard sigh and replaced the bookmark. He was too tired for this.  _Too tired for anything,_  a nasty little voice at the back of his mind commented. Lupin shook his head slightly, abandoned the book on the sofa and managed to make it to his bed before he collapsed, still fully clad, into its sheets.

A loud howling awoke him several hours later. Instantly his hands flew to his face. It was human. He lay in the dark a moment longer, trying to calm the short frantic breathing. Full moon was not till tomorrow night, he reminded himself belatedly. The howl continued: a long, anguished, unbroken moan. Shivering slightly he forced himself to his feet and stumbled uncertainly to the door. It took him some time to undo the layers of protective spells and the three muggle locks that kept him isolated within the house but eventually the door swung open.

"You'd better come in Sirius."

Rubbing weary eyes Remus smiled slightly as the familiar black shape moved past him into the living room and started placing the spells back up. By the time the door was fully locked and bolted Padfoot had transformed and fallen asleep, spread-eagled across his sofa, his breathing shallow but steady.

_So there's at least one person in this world who's more exhausted than you._

He fetched the blankets from his own room and arranged them around Sirius' lean form. The book he had been reading earlier was now face down on the floor where his friend had obviously pushed it hurriedly out of the way. Remus collected it and moved back into one of his least favourite armchairs. There he smoothed the pages lovingly back down and flipped back to page twelve: the  _Patronus_  Charm. He smiled gently, yawned and put the book back on the floor, drawing his legs into the seat and hugging them tightly. Sirius' face softened as he slept, gradually becoming the young man who could do everything if you let him and Remus Lupin, curled up in his uncomfortable chair, relaxed for the first time in years, gradually falling asleep, the image of Padfoot burned upon his lids.

Phoenix fire flamed behind his eyes and grudgingly Remus awoke to the murky amber haze of morning. He moved his hand to scratch his nose and discovered to his surprise the sheets folded carefully around him. His gaze flickered uncertainly to the patched sofa across the other side of the dingy room. It was empty. Sirius had apparently figured out how to work the television and was sitting cross-legged about a foot in front of it.

Remus raised himself up slightly, glanced disinterestedly at the screen, relaxed and shut his eyes again and tried to go back to sleep.

"I know you're awake," Sirius grunted from the front of the room. Remus grinned and stuck his tongue out at his friend's back. "I can see your reflection on the screen."

"So?" the other retorted lazily. "It's my house, I can sleep in if I like."

There was silence then "you didn't ask why I'm here."

"I assumed you'd tell me eventually."

Sirius didn't turn from the flickering screen with its bad quality picture. "I was sent by Dumbledore."

_Oh.  
_

_Of course._

"Last night was the final challenge in the triwizard tournament and Harry reached the cup first with another boy."

"So he won?"

"He won."

"That's good isn't it?"Remus untangled himself from his bedclothes and moved to sit beside the other. "What aren't you telling me?"

"The cup was a portkey. It took him to a graveyard," Sirius continued, his voice taught and dead, "Lord Voldemort was waiting for him."

 _He's returned at last then._  Padfoot continued to stare at the television and the brightly coloured characters capering around beneath the screen. "Sirius!" The other's head turned. "Is Harry alright?" Remus demanded.

Sirius nodded. "The other boy was not so lucky but Harry escaped alive. I've been scouring the country rounding up the remaining members of the Order since midnight." He smiled coldly and turned to face the werewolf so Remus could see the hint of madness that burnt beneath the chocolate depths. "Its amazing how little you get told when you're a wanted criminal. How many of our friends died while I was stuck in Azkaban?"

"Padfoot I- " He tried to lay a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder but Sirius flinched away.

"Don't touch me," he hissed.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered and rose to his feet.

"I almost lost the only person who means anything to me last night. Can you please just  _leave me alone for a while?"_

"Yes of course," Remus murmured, moving stiffly into the kitchen. "Of course."


	2. Drink tea, there's lots of tea

He started to drink his tea, realised it was salty and restrained the urge to hurl it melodramatically across the room into the lemon yellow walls of his kitchen.

"Padfoot, I'm making some more tea do you want some?"

"No."

"Coffee?"

"No,  _thank you."_

A tinny theme tune that he vaguely recognised as Scooby Doo wafted cheerfully into the room and Remus slammed the door in between himself and Sirius before walking to the sink and throwing away the rest of his tea laden tea. Slowly he moved towards the kettle, poured in enough water to fill one cup and clicked down the large, grey plastic button on the top. A little red light near the button blinked dimly at him and Remus stared at it disinterestedly until it snapped off again. He added milk, four sugar cubes and sipped it for a while before he realised that this wasn't how he liked his tea.

This was Sirius' tea. Sirius' tea that he didn't want.

His wand was lying by a mutilated picture in a silver frame on the old tabletop and Remus grabbed it and changed his disgustingly sweet drink into one without sugar.

He sipped it again and grimaced. Merlin, Magical tea was foul.

His gaze fell upon the bowl of sugar cubes and he wondered briefly why he had sugar cubes before emptying them onto the floor and crushing each one slowly and deliberately with the sole of his foot.

_Because Sirius likes them._

Well Sirius could go to hell for all he cared. The theme tune started up again. Remus took another gulp of his nauseating tea, decided to hell with dignity as well and flung the cup as hard as he could into the doorway where it shattered. He watched the brown liquid seeping down into his carpet for while, head resting in his hands.  _Why did it always have to be like this?_

The door creaked open and Sirius stepped on a piece of broken crockery and swore loudly. Remus felt a flash of triumph followed by a louder feeling of annoyance. "Sod off."

The door banged shut once more and he breathed out.

"I believe this is yours."

"It was," Remus agreed placidly not looking at the mug handle in Sirius fingers, knowing he was being childish but wanting to show he was annoyed, needing Sirius to understand, knowing he wouldn't but desperately  _needing_  him to try.

"The rest of its embedded somewhere in my foot, any time you want it back just ask."

"I'll do that."

He heard the sound of the door opening and decided to speak again. "I thought you wanted to be left alone."

"I heard you breaking things."

"I broke one thing. Cup. Singular."

"Fine." Sirius' voice lost the casual, humorous inflections of his seventeen-year-old self and became those of the man who had thrown Remus from his own sitting room an hour earlier. "Fine," he repeated coldly when Remus didn't move and closed the door behind him with a bang.

Another hour passed. Remus paced and glared at inanimate objects, getting steadily more bored, angry and more depressed. All the rooms backed onto the sitting room and to get anywhere else he would have to go back through it, nothing connected to the kitchen and so, for the moment, he was stuck in here; a prisoner within his own house. He collapsed in his chair again, hated Sirius and drummed his fingers against the tabletop.

The situation did not improve.

Thirty-eight minutes ticked slowly past, Remus sat with his face in his hands and tried to hate his friend and finally the door creaked open once more.

"Why did you come here in the first place?" the werewolf whispered through the gap between his fingers.

He saw Sirius' feet move towards the table and watched as the chair opposite him moved back away from it. "Because I wanted to see you again." He sighed, imperceptibly. "Because Harry's not the only person I care about. You know I didn't mean what I said before."

"Mmm."

He sat down opposite Remus. "You haven't moved the rest of that bloody cup yet."

The other grinned sheepishly. "I was hoping you'd come back."

"Really touched you had such a warm reception waiting for me," Sirius grunted picking more ceramic shards from his foot. Remus smiled slightly and looked away, across at the picture in the frame, his friend followed his eye line. "Merlin what did you do that thing?"

"It's a tradition muggles have," Remus explained still looking fondly at the picture, which waved back happily. "When someone disappoints you, you cut them out of all your photos."

"You cut me out of your photos?!" The frame was seized.

"I put you back in the end," the other apologised, grinning at the reaction. "You have no idea how hard it was to separate your image from James'," he remarked wistfully. "Probably didn't help that I wasn't seeing or thinking too clearly at the time."

Sirius was still examining the picture. "And now Peter's gone."

"Mm." Lupin's face grew tight again. "Burned all the pieces."

Padfoot's eyebrows shot up. "But you didn't burn mine."

"No."

Silence, then "why not?"

"I don't know," Remus got up and moved over to the window, painfully aware that something had not been said but quite possibly understood. "I don't really remember much of that year and like I said, I probably couldn't have told you my name if you'd taken me by surprise." He stared out blankly over the neat lawn and immaculate flowerbeds of his garden and soon Sirius came to join him. "Thank you," he murmured softly, lips barely moving.

"For what?"

"For not writing me off as a lost cause I guess." He grinned, the patented Padfoot's heartbreaker grin back in its rightful place. "Even if you admit you were seriously unhinged at the time.

He was rewarded with a smile of Lupin's own. "My pleasure." Then his nose wrinkled and a small laugh escaped him. "You smell awful."

"Thanks."

"You look it too."

Sirius grinned lopsidedly at him. "I feel honoured to have true friends who are so cruelly honest and accept their opinions graciously."

"Well, as said true friend my opinion is that you should have a bath post haste and stop polluting my air." He looked across at the other, an expression of mirth playing around his lips. "Will you accept it graciously?"

"How could I refuse if you come with me?"

Remus' heart stopped for a second and then Sirius let out a loud bark of laughter and clapped him soundly around the shoulders. "Come on, show me where it is. I'll throw in a hair cut free if you've got some scissors."

Remus must have still looked shocked and confused because his friend laughed again and steered him from the room. "For me Moony. The haircut's for me."

"There are towels already in there and shampoo and scissors should be in one of the cupboards if you don't mind rooting around for a while."

"A chance to rummage through someone else's private possessions, how could I pass it up?"

Remus smiled weakly and handed him a pile of clothes that appeared to be several years old. "You left these here… I don't know why I kept them, but anyway they're yours now…again really, I suppose…" he trailed off as the laundry basket next to the bath shook alarmingly.

Sirius jumped visibly. "What was that?"

"Probably just another boggart," Remus replied, vaguely cheerful again now they were back on familiar territory. "House is infested with them. Ridiculous really considering I taught Defence against the Dark Arts last year. I'll get rid of it while you wash."

"Not staying then?" Sirius asked, a twinkle in his eye.

Remus grinned again with slightly more humour, shook his head "not this time" and left the room, shutting the door firmly behind him, the wicker washing basket clasped in his hands.

He carried into his bedroom, waited for the sound of rushing water and Sirius' loud and rather off key singing to fill the room and opened the lid cautiously, wand grasped in his right hand.

He stepped back away from the basket, towards the door.

Where was the moon?

He whirled in search of it and found nothing. Then a dreadful thought hit him.

Maybe it wasn't a boggart.

He cursed loudly and pushed the lid back on top of the basket. He should've checked first instead of blindly assuming he was right, but then the house  _was_ full with boggarts. They usually scared off any lesser magical pests. He swore again and started searching the room.

"Moony, are you alright?"

He turned and saw Sirius standing in the doorway, clad only in a towel, water streaming from his hair.

"Yer… yes, fine. Boggart in the washing basket, not there" he explained coherently. "There's no moon."

"What?"

"There's no-"

And then he was kissing Sirius; fingers forgot about his wand and dropped it carelessly on the floor before catching in the damp black tendrils of his hair, lips forgot about protestations of platonic friendship and coursed hungrily over the others. And it was as wonderful as he could have ever imagined it would be…

Except Sirius wasn't kissing him back.


	3. Reality

Remus broke away as the full horror of the situation gradually dawned. Sirius was staring at him, a look of shock and mild disgust mingled with confusion etched across features that were still handsome even after years in Azkaban.

Quickly Remus realised he would have to say something, anything, explain somehow. "I'm so sorry," he managed eventually. "I don't know what just happened."

"You kissed me," Sirius pointed out slowly, perhaps trying to be helpful but with a slight sneer forming around his lips. "Why?"

"I don't know," his friend lied moving away.

"Moony, you aren't gay are you?" Sirius asked smiling broadly now but with none of his usual warmth. Remus tried to laugh but it got lost in his throat and came out as a kind of whimper. "Because you know all that stuff I used to say," Padfoot continued apologetically "it was all a joke."

"Yes… yes, of course, I'm so…"

"Sorry?" One eyebrow arched quizzically. "Merlin, don't be." He sighed and his face grew wistful, a true smile forming. "If only James were here," he remarked. "He'd love this, Jim always thought you were a bit strange, well apart from the werewolf thing I mean." He caught the hurt in Remus's eyes and tried to retract the statement. "Not that being gay is a bad thing... I suppose… Taliesin, I wish he were here now."

Keeping a tight hold on the towel still around his waist, he sat down on Remus' bed and leant against one of the posts looking thoughtful. "Do you ever wish I'd died instead of him?" he asked casually as if the question had only just occurred to him.

 _"Never,"_  Remus murmured.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't. Forget it."

He didn't want to ask but some how the words came tumbling from him mouth. "What about you?"

Sirius looked up. "What about me what?"

"Nothing."

"Do I wish you'd died instead of Prongs?"

"It's alright, I don't want to know."

"Are you sure?" He grinned wolfishly and rose from the bed again. "Aren't you even slightly curious to find out if the man you've been pining over all these years would rather you were dead than his best friend, James Potter? The boy he did everything with? The man who was might as well have been his twin?"

Now he was standing less than a foot away from Remus' face so the other man could see the mirthless glint in his eyes above the smile that was not a smile. "Are you sure you don't want to know, Moony?"

_No._

"Yes."

The terrible smile was back in place as he opened his mouth but in the moment of silence a new sound filtered into the bedroom. The sound of somebody singing.

_"Blue -ooooooooo moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!_

_You saw me stannnnnding alooooooooooooooone!"_

Somebody was singing as they showered in his bathroom. Somebody who sang seemingly without any knowledge that a song might have a tune or that it could be sung quietly. That somebody had no idea what was going on in this room and he definitely was not standing in it, casually discussing Remus' worst fears.

Remus' heart caught in his throat. "You're a boggart," he breathed and the Sirius opposite him grinned.

"Perhaps I am," it agreed genially, "but, I'm afraid, the next person to run in here won't be." Then the tone changed and grew loud and panicky. "Sirius!" it screamed with Remus' voice. The singing stopped. "Sirius, I need help! The boggart, it's…"

The door crashed open and Padfoot almost fell into the room. "What?" he asked Remus, not even noticing the other occupant of the room. "The boggart is _what_?"

"It's you," his copy stated calmly, now seated comfortably in the squashy armchair next to Lupin's bed.

Remus wanted to shut his eyes on this nightmare but found he couldn't, found he was morbidly fascinated by his own psyche sitting in front of him. His gaze flickered uncertainly between the real Sirius and the other version of his friend both of whom were examining each other, the first horrified, the latter calculating and amused. Now that they were together he wondered how he had been fooled by the boggart, who was tanned and clean shaven, who's hair was tangle free, who looked like the seventeen year old he had been. The real Sirius on the other hand had obviously been half way through shaving off his beard when it had called him, his chest was thin and pale and covered with old scars and the towel around his waist was one Remus recognised from his airing cupboard, unlike the sparkling white of the one round his copy.

Still looking at the thing in the chair Padfoot spoke. "What you fear most in the world…" he turned and stared across at Remus, his eyes pleading "is me?"

"Oh, no," the boggart grinned. "You're quite wrong there, Mr Black. The thing Remus fears most in the world-"

And then, as the icy hand of fear closed around his heart Remus finally realised what was about to happen.

_No._

"The thing Remus fears most in the world is you ever finding out just how he feels about you." It paused for added effect. "Do you want to know?"

_No, Sirius please don't._

"He wants to  _fuck_ you," the boggart continued pleasantly without its answer. " _Desparately_  wants to. He's fancied you since your sixth year, its quite pathetic actually." It laughed again, feeding on the fear emanating off Remus who could only stand helplessly as it grew stronger. He knew he should be trying to cast the  _Riddikulus_ charm but, searching his brain desperately, Remus could find nothing at all funny about the current situation.

"Sirius, I…" he began but the boggart was still talking.

"That kiss we shared earlier was really something though wasn't it Remus? Or rather the kiss you so willingly gave me." It leered at him, reclining deeper into the chair. "Really though, it was most impolite of you to come on to me so strongly, after all this  _was_ our first meeting."

And then Sirius was moving across the floor so that the boggart was closer to him than it was to Remus. There was a loud crack. The room became darker and the still form of Harry Potter sprawled across the floor.

"Riddikulus!" Sirius bellowed.

_Crack!_

Now Harry was standing, older than before, wearing a smile that did not reach his eyes, his hand outstretched. "Sirius, you must realise it's inevitable. If you join me now I'll allow you to live, but if you reject my friendship this time it will not be offered again."

"Riddikulus!"

_Crack!_

Remus sank to the floor and closed his eyes at last, blocking out the images of Sirius' nightmares as they appeared one after the other before him.  _Crack! Crack! Crack!_  And then a familiar voice broke into his black prison.

" _What are you doing? Ugh,_ get away from me Sirius!"

His eyes opened in time to see a middle aged man backing quickly away from his friend before Sirius screamed  _"Riddikulus!"_ desperately.

And it was gone.

Remus closed his eyes again and rested his head against his knees. " _Thank you_ ," he whispered.

He heard the sound of Sirius' wand clattering to the floor and the hasty footsteps towards him as his friend dropped onto the floor. "Moony, are you alright?" he asked softly.

"Yes," Remus mumbled.

"Moony, look at me."

"No."

"Please."

"I will not." He stifled an inappropriate giggle.

"Why not?"

Still keeping his eyes tightly closed Remus reverted to formality to hold back to the laughter. "Because Padfoot my dear old friend, I believe at some point in the duel with the boggart you dropped your towel, or should I say my towel? At any rate the towel that was previously around your waist now decorates my bedroom floor, perhaps, in the current circumstances it would be best if you retrieved it."

Sirius swore and moved away to retrieve it again. "Okay, look at me now."

"Are you sure you picked it up?"

"No Moony," Sirius replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Somehow I have managed to bungle the simple task of picking up a towel."

Remus prised open an eyelid and smiled at Sirius over the top of his knees. "Liar."

"But you had faith that I'd managed it, I'm flattered."

"Ah well, you did save me from the boggart." There was an uncomfortable silence as both of them remembered exactly what Remus' boggart had become.

"Moony, I-"

Fortunately Remus chose that moment to notice Sirius' beard, or what was left of it and burst into real, unembarrassed laughter, "You look idiotic."

"Thanks a lot."

"Remember you said you'd accept my decisions? Go and finish shaving, you moron."

Sirius grumbled half heartedly about friends who didn't appreciate it when you saved their life, but got up and moved towards the door.

"Oh and Padfoot."

"Mmm?"

_"Thank you."_

"You're welcome."


	4. A many splendid thing

His cheap doorbell buzzed; a sharp, irritating drone.

He opened it curiously, as nobody had ever called on him before to find a man in long billowing black robes staring around at his street, distain written across his face. "Ah, Lupin."

"Good afternoon, Severus."

Remus stepped away from the door hurriedly and watched with quiet amusement as Snape swept into his kitchen without any further explanation, examined all the chairs carefully, pulled a large grey handkerchief out of his pocket and dusted one down thoroughly before seating himself at the table.

Stifling a grin, Remus shut the door quietly and leant against the refrigerator. "You wanted something Severus?"

"Believe me Lupin I want nothing more than to be away from this shed you call a house."

"You were sent by Dumbledore."

"What an extraordinary deduction."

"Thank you," laugh crinkled into a frown "but you already delivered the Wolfsbane potion for this month and if you hadn't it'd be too…" He paused as Snape's expression grew more condescending. "Ah, you're here to check on Sirius."

"I am. Is he here, I want to get this over with."

"Er…no. No, he's not."

The television was still playing in the other room.

"Well, I'm sure you have lots of import-"

"Moony?" Sirius called loudly causing Remus to wince and Snape to rise vulture like from his perch and stride into the sitting room, the werewolf trailing after him. Sirius was crouched over his bookcase at the sound of footsteps he turned around, Remus' copy of  _Phil Collins' Greatest Hits_  spinning around his index finger. "What the hell is this thing?"

Snape answered for him. "It's a  _CD_  Black, it plays  _music_. Perhaps if you hadn't been so busy rotting in Azkaban you'd know that."

Remus stepped forward not really sure what he was going to do if Sirius tried to hex Snape in his living room but the spell didn't come.

" _Severus_ ," Padfoot gushed cheerfully. "How simply  _wonderful_  to see you. Remmy and I were just wondering when you'd turn up."

 _We were?_  Remus thought with surprise and then wrinkling his nose slightly:  _Remmy_ _?_

Snape seemed to be equally taken aback and could only manage a half hearted sneer as Sirius looped an arm around Remus' waist and rested his head on the werewolf's shoulder to the other's complete surprise. "Not that we've done all that much talking... if you know what I mean."

Snape tried to sneer again and the corner of his eye started twitching. "I thought you went for  _girls_  Black."

Sirius smiled and hugged Remus more tightly, "well it's amazing what love will do to you." Then without warning the hand that wasn't round the werewolf's waist wrapped itself around his neck and drew his face closer.

Their lips touched.

And it wasn't anything like it had been with the boggart.

This time it was Sirius who was kissing him passionately; desperately; trying to deepen the kiss.

With Snape watching.

To  _disgust_  Snape.

And it was Remus who pulled away in a flush of anger across to the other side of the room leaving Sirius standing in the middle on his own.

"Moony-"

"Didn't you learn anything from the boggart at all?" the other hissed leaning against the wall, he swung around to face Sirius.  _"Do you have any idea-"_ he broke off as the answer stared across at him, bewildered and abandoned, a CD worn as a ring around a finger.

_No._

He turned around and managed to speak slowly and clearly, the façade that was Professor Lupin back in place. "Sirius, please can I ask you never to kiss me again." He paused and turned to the other. "Severus, Sirius and I are not a couple, nor have we ever been so you can stop looking as if Gilderoy Lockhart was just elected Minister for Magic." He breathed in slowly through his nostrils and strode across the carpet. "Now Severus, as I said earlier, I'm sure you have many other important matters to attend to." The front door swung open, the challenge hanging in the air as white knuckles closed around the handle. "Good afternoon."

With one final disdainful scowl at Sirius, Snape apparated from the room.

Lupin let the handle fall from his hand and the heavy wood swung back into place with a resounding thud.

"Moony, I'm-"

"NO!" Remus yelled. "NO YOU'RE NOT SO DON'T BLOODY SAY ANYTHING, SIRIUS!"

The anger faded to quiet words, etched with pain as he stumbled from the living room into his bedroom.

" _Just… leave me alone."_

"You know I left the door locked for a reason."

The large black dog slipped mournfully through the crack in the door and padded round to the other side of Remus' bed but as he reached his friend's face the werewolf turned over, away from him. "Go away Sirius,  _please_."

But the dog would not be deterred, bounded round to the other side and tugged at Remus' sleeve so the other would read the large sign round its neck.

_I'm sorry_

"Well you should be."

The letters twisted and convulsed briefly before reforming.

_Won't do it again if you don't want me to_

Remus chose to ignore the words themselves. "How long did it take you to do this?"

_Too bloody long_

The other laughed quietly and Sirius' lop sided grin split across the dog's face.

_Very sorry Moony_

"You know, I like you better as a dog."

_I'm not sure that's a compliment_

"It wasn't supposed to be."

_Well I like you better when you're not mad at me so I guess we're even._

Remus reached across and ruffled Padfoot's ears. Then he remembered why he'd spent the last two hours locked in his room and sighed, fingers gently stroking black fur. "Why do you do this to me Sirius?"

 _Because._  The dog became a man again and Remus found his hand was now twisted in Sirius' hair, stroking his face. Horrified he yanked it back protectively, missing the expression that flared across his friend's face.

"Because," Sirius got up and paced across to the other side of the room. "Because… Look, can I tell you something?"

"What?"

Sirius didn't seem to hear. He picked up another photo in a plain silver frame, this one of the two of them on their last day of Hogwarts, Sirius' tie around his head like a bandana, his arm looped around Remus' shoulder, laughing; and turned it over in his hands and started speaking faster in a voice that shook slightly with an unidentifiable emotion. "And I'm not doing this because I think it's funny, or to annoy Snape, or because it'll embarrass you, or because… I don't know because…"

"What is it?" Remus demanded.

Padfoot dropped the picture and Remus started to protest but found he couldn't because Sirius' lips were on top of his, kissing him gently and murmuring _"this."_

He broke away quickly and sat back on his haunches looking nervously up at Remus who closed his eyes and struggled to breathe as though nothing had happened. When he finally spoke the words were tight and clipped as if he knew he had best make them short before he forgot what he was supposed to be saying. "I thought I told you never to kiss me again."

He opened his eyes and shut them quickly again as Padfoot looked like he'd just been kicked. "You did but I thought…"

"You  _thought_? No Padfoot, you never bloody think about…"

"I love you."

"No you  _don't_ ," Remus told him firmly, eyes shut.

Sirius chose this moment to laugh wildly and inappropriately. "Yes I do."

" _No_  you don't," Remus repeated painfully.

"I love that you have sugar lumps in your kitchen when you hate them. I love that you've got all these crazy muggle thingys and Dark Arts Defence gadgets scattered around your house and that you pretend not to care about them but I know if I move one of them you'll be incredibly upset. I love the way your hair always falls over your eyes in the same way no matter how often you get it cut. I love the way I didn't see you for twelve years and when we met again it was as if nothing had changed. I love the look you get when you know I'm right but don't want to admit it because I'm never right. I love the way you used to stand up for Snivellus and would never do my homework for me even when you knew I'd get detention for the next month when I didn't. I love that it's taken me almost thirty years to realise this where as you've known forever-"

"No, you don't," Remus whispered one last time, smiling and crying and hoping desperately that Sirius wasn't just joking or another boggart. "You d-"

"And I love that when I've  _finally_  realised I love you more than anything, more than life itself, all you can do is sit there not looking at me and telling me I've gone insane."

And then he looked at Sirius who smiled broadly at him and repeated  _"I love you,"_  simply, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

"I destroyed the sugar cubes you know," Remus began, but Sirius leant up again and silenced him again, a kiss shared with Remus' tears, softly: "I don't care, I love you."

"Even without the sugar cubes?"

"Yes Moony," he grinned and kissed the other again, "even without the sugar cubes."

"Well I don't think I love you."

Sirius pulled back. "You don't."

"No. Sorry." But a wolfish grin was spreading over his face. "You'll just have to live with that unrequited love for a while." He tried to get up off the bed but Sirius caught hold of his wrist and pulled him back.

"You know you love me too," he growled playfully as Remus tried to look dignified while looking up at him from the bed.

"No, not at all."

"Not at all?" Sirius murmured into his neck.

"Not at all."

"Shut up or I'll kiss you again."

"Not at a-"

_"I love you Padfoot."_

_"I know you moron…. the boggart in particular was a real give away."_


End file.
